The long goodbye

Well, it's been quite a week and it's only Tuesday.

Arsenal got completely skewered on Sunday by a United team that were
by no means world beaters.


So,depressing enough. Then again, that's only sport. The hits just keep on coming.


Then,on Monday my youngest child, my wilfull, loveable, scatty, intelligent, moody yet funny little girl left home. Just 21, she has gone out into the world to make her own way in it.
Who can blame her I suppose? People need to stand on their own two feet and try and make their own mark.

We fought, like any two headstrong people, but she was still my little girl and it was a huge wrench seeing her off yesterday. She was quite happy to be heading off on her big adventure but she was teary too, I could see it.

For a big mouthed sod I really don't know what to say. I hope this move works out for her and she is happy. I would hate to see her maybe fail and have to come back home disenchanted.

I know this happens to everyone at some stage but it surely is a heartbreaker and both of us were very upset last night and will be for some time to come as well.

What am I even doing putting this major event in with a mention of sport? I don't know.
I honestly don't know what I am doing today. Maybe it's too fresh in my mind to have any sort of rational perspective about it. Perhaps it's the kind of thing that a parent will never have a rational outlook on.

I feel listless, adrift and unable to deal with people today or to suffer fools easily. More than usual I mean.

I am not even sure I will post this entry as it seems to be formless and haphazard. It's more an emotional outpouring than anything reasoned and thought out.

I suppose like any parent you worry about your child's happiness and welfare. It just seems different to me this time. Maybe it's because she is our youngest, maybe it's because she's a girl.
Maybe because there is no one left at home only us now. I don't know. It's a confusing and upsetting time and, like any man, I have trouble expressing my feelings.

It's probably just as well we both have jobs to go to which will perpetuate the illusion of normality for us both and give us some semblance of structure. It's just that empty house when we get home.
What do people do when they become "empty nesters", a term I dislike but which is apt.

Ya know, for two people who got married at a ridiculously early age, we did ok. More than ok. We are still together, still happy. We raised two fine kids somehow by stumbling our way through it. Sure there was tears and hard times along the way but in the overall scheme of things I think we did pretty much ok. The kids seem to be fairly happy and didn't turn out to be serial killers, drug addicts or a danger to society!

Anyway, they know that if needed there is a bed and a home to come back to. That's an important safety net for anyone making their way in the world. I'm proud of those two, wanting to get on with their lives and I hope that they get everything they want and are happy. I think we did ok.

So...now what?